The Four Letter Word Every Parent Hates

SICK

The phone rings and it is your child's school calling to tell you your kid is......SICK

Crap.

Of course I cared that she wasn't feeling well, but the first thing that ran through my brain was "NOOOO! I HAVEN'T FINISHED WORKING/CLEANING/HAVING TIME TO MYSELF!"

That thought is followed with the "MAN! NOW I/DADDY/BROTHER ARE ALL GONNA CATCH IT!"

Is that selfish of me? 

As it turned out she had a severe sinus infection and the drainage was causing her to vomit, nothing contagious, but still. I HATE when they are SICK!

Today, My Kid Made Me Proud

I took my kids to the park, and when we arrived there was a small group o girls sitting in a circle under the playground. Miss B. ran over and was accepted in the group. The girls was laughing and giggling when the lone little boy at the park approached and was promptly rebuffed by the oldest looking girl in the group, and probably the ring leader. 

"There is no one else here to play with" he told the girl.
"Then go play with your mommy." she told him.

Part of me wanted to interject, and make Miss B play with the little boy. There has been so many times that we have been there and no one would play with her. I wanted to remind her of how she feels when that happens to her.

But I didn't. I won't always be able to be there to help her make the right decision and it felt like a pivotal moment in her life. She didn't know I was watching. 

She looked at the boy, and I could see it in her face. The dilemma. She knew what the right thing to do was, but she didn't want to give up her acceptance in the group of girls.

Then, she stood up and said, "I'll play with you."

Today, my kid made me proud.

From SAHM to WAHM

In May I started a new job doing search engine evaluations from home. It's not that I had never planned on working again, I just thought it wouldn't be until the kids were older, and in school full time.

But we all know how plans go in the hood (motherhood that is).

The Big Kid works full time and goes to school. In the past he has kept two jobs, but that just wasn't a possibilty with his school. The whole point of him going to school is so that he can get a better job, but finding the time and funding was proving to be really hard. Plus we wanted to be able to afford things for the kids.

So, I started looking for work. Most everything I could find seemed to scammy I didn't want to sell anything, and since I needed a job for financial reasons, anything that required an "investment" was out. The biggest NO WAY was phone jobs. I can't even talk to my sister for five minutes without one of the kids screaming, much less do some sort of customer service. Uh-Uh-NO-WAY.

I finally stumble across the search engine evaluator thing, applied, and got the gig. I was so excited. I had dreams, goals...PLANS.

Remember what we said about plans?

I never imagined how HARD working at home with kids could be. I mean, I should've known, because just going pee without their help is a challenge, but still. Some delusional part of me imagined I would be able to sit down at my computer for four to six hours a day and earn some valuable income for my family.

This is how it really goes:

I get up a 5:30 in the morning to work before they get up. At six The Big Kid gets up, an insist on talking to me and asking me to find his things.

By 6:30 Dimples is awake, and saying "mamma" which is his word for food. Yes, my son says mamma only when he's hungry.

Miss B. get up at 6:45 and because she's four, jumps out of bed at full speed and stays that way until she drops. There is no slow waking up period for her. So she's usually running circles around me while I'm trying to feed her brother.

By 7:30 everybody's fed and if it's a school day, Miss B. is getting dressed for school.

Sometime in the late morning, early afternoon I sit down again to try and work. I can get about 30 minutes in before one or both of the kids needs me to get up for one reason or another. 

Then there's chores, the animals, dinner, baths, and before I know it it's 10 o'clock and I've managed to work an hour MAYBE two.

At this point my choice is to stay up late, or give up and try again tomorrow.

It's harder than I thought it would be, finding the time. Since Miss B has started school three days a week, I hope to be able to get more in. Twice now Dimples has napped while she's at school and I know I should use that time to work, but I can't help enjoying the quiet for myself (like blogging instead of working). But even two hours a day is better than nothing. I'm lucky to have found something with that kind of flexibility, and so I will make it work...... somehow.




By the way....

If mommas out there need some extra income and are interested in trying it from home, check out Leapforce. They are hiring in the US and internationally and the flexibility is great for trying to work around kids! https://www.leapforceathome.com/qrp/public/jobs/list?uref=d584821c010e8bcbffb9bf9a1fe35e7f

Poor Daddy

Miss B is popular with the boys....every daddy's worse nightmare

She informed us the other day that one of the little boys in her karate class was her boyfriend, and the little boy's mother commented that he had told her that Miss B was his girlfriend. Of course when you're four that doesn't mean anything, but this is where is starts.


Yesterday at Karate the instructor had to separate two boys at the beginning of class who were fighting over who got to sit next to her, and when I picked her up from pre-k the teacher tells me "she's no trouble, but the boys fight over who's going to sit by her in circle time." 

I think it's kind of funny, and cute, but poor Daddy is not amused.

It Sure Is Quiet Around Here

Well, today was the big day...Miss B. started pre-k. 

She was so excited. She woke up at 4:45 am, wanting to get dressed. She also wanted to wear the biggest, fanciest dress in her closet. It took me twenty minutes to talk her into play clothes.

And when I got home from dropping her off, after I shed a few tears, Dimples laid down for his morning nap. The Big Kid is at work and the dog is asleep on the couch. The bunny doesn't make much noise no matter what's going on.

I spent the first twenty minutes trying to decide what to do first! It's been so long since I had this kind of time to myself. 

So here I am, using my time, to blog about it :)

I Am Not Enough

Miss B is four years old and I have come to the realization that she needs more than I can give her. Some women are great at being stay at home moms, it comes so naturally to them and they are able to fulfill their children's needs right up the their first day of school. I am not one of those women. Motherhood has never come naturally to me. I often find myself looking at her and feeling at a loss. 

What am I supposed to do with this child?

It is not her educational requirements that I am not fulfilling, but her social ones. I knew that she would need to be with kids her own age, and so I enrolled her in lots of activities. Gymnastics, karate and soccer. But an hour a day a couple days a week it not enough for her, and even more, her new friends all go to preschool. 

Preschool. I never intended to send her. I always thought that I could teach her everything she needed to know before she started kindergarten. Apparently kindergarten is a different beast than when I was five years old. 

No more color wheels and play groups. 

Apparently five year olds these days are learn art and philosophy along with how to share. 

She keeps asking when she can go to school like her friends. She had become obsessed with school buses and stands at the window every afternoon to watch the bus drop kids off.

So after much debate, and scrutinizing of the finances (holy crap pre-school is EXPENSIVE!) The Big Kid and I have decided to let her go.  I have to admit it makes me a little sad, and I'm not entirely sure why. This was not my plan, but nothing in motherhood goes as planned.

The Mommy Overshare...So Guilty

When you are a mommy of little kids, no subject is off limits, and sometimes we forget that other people still have a shred of decorum left and there are things they just don't want to hear and/or talk about.

The other day at Miss B's karate class, one of the ladies there noticed that Dimples was in a cloth diaper, and she said "oh I didn't know you were using cloth diapers"

I, of course, launched into a detail explanation about how I used to use disposal when we were out because his poops were so runny and I didn't want to carry that mess around with me. I followed up with a detailed description of his current, less messy poops.

Then I saw the totally grossed out look on her face. 

Oops. The mommy overshare.

I'm guilty of this alot. Very guilty. 

I need to remember that most people don't want to hear about poop or vomit, runny noses or rashes. That any mention of my kid is not an open invitation to recap  every gross thing that I deal with on a daily basis. 

And I get it. I'm not offended that other people are offended by my reality. Because that what it comes down to. Poop is a big party of my reality. With a four year old, a one year old, a dog and a bunny I am queen of the poop.

I'm sure there will come a point in my life when my kids are older, and they take care of their own bathroom business, that poop will gross my out again. For now, I will try to save my thoughts on these topics for the mommy blog.