I Am Not Enough

Miss B is four years old and I have come to the realization that she needs more than I can give her. Some women are great at being stay at home moms, it comes so naturally to them and they are able to fulfill their children's needs right up the their first day of school. I am not one of those women. Motherhood has never come naturally to me. I often find myself looking at her and feeling at a loss. 

What am I supposed to do with this child?

It is not her educational requirements that I am not fulfilling, but her social ones. I knew that she would need to be with kids her own age, and so I enrolled her in lots of activities. Gymnastics, karate and soccer. But an hour a day a couple days a week it not enough for her, and even more, her new friends all go to preschool. 

Preschool. I never intended to send her. I always thought that I could teach her everything she needed to know before she started kindergarten. Apparently kindergarten is a different beast than when I was five years old. 

No more color wheels and play groups. 

Apparently five year olds these days are learn art and philosophy along with how to share. 

She keeps asking when she can go to school like her friends. She had become obsessed with school buses and stands at the window every afternoon to watch the bus drop kids off.

So after much debate, and scrutinizing of the finances (holy crap pre-school is EXPENSIVE!) The Big Kid and I have decided to let her go.  I have to admit it makes me a little sad, and I'm not entirely sure why. This was not my plan, but nothing in motherhood goes as planned.