Saturday, July 12, 2014

My Carpet Smelled Like Feet

It all started because I'd thought I give Yoga a try again. I so want to like it, but that's another post. So I get in Child's Pose, or Downward Facing Dog, or whatever it is that has be burying my nose in the carpet. I had a yoga mat once, but who knows which closet that is shoved into. ANYWAY...breathe in through the nose...sniff, sniff. Ew My carpet smells.

I have a dog, I have little kids, I have a husband, and all of these smelly creatures have caused an awful odor buildup. Never fear, I own a home carpet clean machine! Time to clean the carpets!

But I want to do this right so I pick up everything off the floor an start piling stuff on the kitchen table. Anything that's not furniture. And speaking of furniture, I wonder if the covers on my couch cushions are machine washable. Even if they're not I'm gonna try it anyway, because they kind of smell too. 

So, anything I can't lift moved out of the room, couch cushion covers in the wash, ready to vacuum. But maybe I should dust first before I vacuum. What good would clean carpets be if shelves are dusty? Get the duster! 

I go to the hall closet where I believe I last put the duster. Yup, there it is. I can see the handle poking out in between some rolls of wrapping paper and an empty shoe box that will one day serve a purpose. While struggling to get the duster out it dawns on me that this closet could use a good organizing. Then when I am putting everything back in the living room later, some of it can go neatly in the closet! Brilliant! Everything out. Hey! My yoga mat! 

Now everything that was in the closet is piled in the hall way. I start going through the stuff, setting aside things that I think I can junk or donate. Here comes Miss B. I've been at this for an hour now, accomplished nothing, and she's hungry. And she wants to help. That is one of the biggest mommy dilemmas ever. You want to be encouraging, but there help isn't help and you just want to get it done!

OKAY, lunch made, Sponge Bob on the TV and where was I?

Oh yea, cleaning out a drawer in my room to make space for stuff in the closet that I decided to organize while finding the duster to dust some shelves before I vacuumed my living room so I could steam clean my smelly carpet. 

Fuck it. Where's the Febreze? 

Thursday, July 10, 2014

On Hiatus

I took a break from Blogging. I took a break from internet life. Sorta. Because I admit to still being shamefully addicted to Facebook. But really, I was poking around Blogger and discovered alot of my page view traffic came from a porn site and that scared me. I hated the idea of creepy pedophiles looking at pictures of my kids. So there will probably be less of them going forward. But I don't want to stop all together, because this mommy community is important to me. It is so hard being an at home mom. My interaction with women who "get it" is limited. I have lots to talk about in posts to come!

Friday, February 14, 2014

The Mother of Meltdowns

All kids have them at some point. Meltdowns that is. For some reason, though, it seems like of all the kids I know mine is the only one I seeing have tantrums. And it is always so embarrassing. Well, recently, she had the mother of all meltdowns.

It started when we were invited to a play date at  the house of a friend she had made at school. I hate play dates in general. It is really because I also have to drag along the one year old and so I get to spend the whole time chasing him around a strange house (usually not baby proofed) while trying to make polite conversation. He is also going through a phase where he likes to put his hand down my shirt which usually ends up exposing a good part of my boobs to people. 

When we arrived at this house I knew we were in trouble. At this point Miss B was in a great mood and eager to play. We walked in the front door and this house was immaculate. Like, I wouldn't have know this woman had kids had there not been pictures on the wall. I'm still not convinced that they actually live in this house, or at the very least that they have a secret room I was not shown where that actually spend their time, because there is no way a house with a four year old could be that clean. 

And the kid's room looked like it belonged in a magazine or on a showroom floor. Her name was engraved on everything and the sheets matched the curtains and it was clean. Like CLEAN. 

So for the next three hours the girls played great. They are "best friends." The problems came when it was time to go. Like I said, we had been there three hours and I was starting to feel intrusive. I kept having images of her husband whispering to her as I chased Dimples around "when are they going to leave?" I gave the standard  5 minute warning and then told her it was time to go (like two minutes later, but whatever she can't tell time yet).

She flipped out. She started screaming "no! no! no! I don't want to leave!" I had to chase her around their unnaturally tidy house with dimples under my arm like a sack of potatoes at which point she crawled under the bed in their guest room. (another shot for Better Homes and Gardens). I grabbed her ankle and had to literally drag her to the front door. The husband graciously offered to carry dimples for me. I had no choice but to hand my son over to a man I'd only known a few hours while I used all the strength I could muster to force my 43 pounds 4 year old into the car. When I shut the door, she started screaming - like high pitched no words shrieking - at the top of her lungs. I went back to get dimples, and to further my humiliation, they decided to walk to my car with me to tell Miss B bye. Honestly it was probably something like watching a freak show for them. It's really bad, but you just can't look away. When we reached the car, Miss B had taken off her clothes (later she explained to me that she had gotten hot). 

I couldn't stop apologizing. I was so embarrassed. So mad I couldn't even talk to her on the drive home. Needless to say I will never hear from these people again.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

I Wish a Frog Would Eat My Brother

Oh how things have changed. I don't know why I can't seem to keep from bragging about my good fortune when it comes to parenting. Four and a half years into this gig and you would think I would have learned that just because things are good now does not guarantee they stay that way and talking about it will in fact guarantee they won't. 

Four months ago:

"How does she like being a big sister?" (as big sister gazes adoringly at her baby brother)

"Oh she loves her brother! And they get along really well. They hardly ever fight!"

Right after this picture was snapped he hit her across the head with that wrapping paper roll
Present day - Brother now walks:

"How does she like being a big sister? (as big sister covers her brothers face with her hand, which he then bites making her scream at levels pitched high enough to shatter glass)
"I wish a frog would eat my brother"

Monday, December 30, 2013

The Four Letter Word Every Parent Hates


The phone rings and it is your child's school calling to tell you your kid is......SICK


Of course I cared that she wasn't feeling well, but the first thing that ran through my brain was "NOOOO! I HAVEN'T FINISHED WORKING/CLEANING/HAVING TIME TO MYSELF!"

That thought is followed with the "MAN! NOW I/DADDY/BROTHER ARE ALL GONNA CATCH IT!"

Is that selfish of me? 

As it turned out she had a severe sinus infection and the drainage was causing her to vomit, nothing contagious, but still. I HATE when they are SICK!

Friday, November 22, 2013

Today, My Kid Made Me Proud

I took my kids to the park, and when we arrived there was a small group o girls sitting in a circle under the playground. Miss B. ran over and was accepted in the group. The girls was laughing and giggling when the lone little boy at the park approached and was promptly rebuffed by the oldest looking girl in the group, and probably the ring leader. 

"There is no one else here to play with" he told the girl.
"Then go play with your mommy." she told him.

Part of me wanted to interject, and make Miss B play with the little boy. There has been so many times that we have been there and no one would play with her. I wanted to remind her of how she feels when that happens to her.

But I didn't. I won't always be able to be there to help her make the right decision and it felt like a pivotal moment in her life. She didn't know I was watching. 

She looked at the boy, and I could see it in her face. The dilemma. She knew what the right thing to do was, but she didn't want to give up her acceptance in the group of girls.

Then, she stood up and said, "I'll play with you."

Today, my kid made me proud.

Thursday, November 14, 2013


In May I started a new job doing search engine evaluations from home. It's not that I had never planned on working again, I just thought it wouldn't be until the kids were older, and in school full time.

But we all know how plans go in the hood (motherhood that is).

The Big Kid works full time and goes to school. In the past he has kept two jobs, but that just wasn't a possibilty with his school. The whole point of him going to school is so that he can get a better job, but finding the time and funding was proving to be really hard. Plus we wanted to be able to afford things for the kids.

So, I started looking for work. Most everything I could find seemed to scammy I didn't want to sell anything, and since I needed a job for financial reasons, anything that required an "investment" was out. The biggest NO WAY was phone jobs. I can't even talk to my sister for five minutes without one of the kids screaming, much less do some sort of customer service. Uh-Uh-NO-WAY.

I finally stumble across the search engine evaluator thing, applied, and got the gig. I was so excited. I had dreams, goals...PLANS.

Remember what we said about plans?

I never imagined how HARD working at home with kids could be. I mean, I should've known, because just going pee without their help is a challenge, but still. Some delusional part of me imagined I would be able to sit down at my computer for four to six hours a day and earn some valuable income for my family.

This is how it really goes:

I get up a 5:30 in the morning to work before they get up. At six The Big Kid gets up, an insist on talking to me and asking me to find his things.

By 6:30 Dimples is awake, and saying "mamma" which is his word for food. Yes, my son says mamma only when he's hungry.

Miss B. get up at 6:45 and because she's four, jumps out of bed at full speed and stays that way until she drops. There is no slow waking up period for her. So she's usually running circles around me while I'm trying to feed her brother.

By 7:30 everybody's fed and if it's a school day, Miss B. is getting dressed for school.

Sometime in the late morning, early afternoon I sit down again to try and work. I can get about 30 minutes in before one or both of the kids needs me to get up for one reason or another. 

Then there's chores, the animals, dinner, baths, and before I know it it's 10 o'clock and I've managed to work an hour MAYBE two.

At this point my choice is to stay up late, or give up and try again tomorrow.

It's harder than I thought it would be, finding the time. Since Miss B has started school three days a week, I hope to be able to get more in. Twice now Dimples has napped while she's at school and I know I should use that time to work, but I can't help enjoying the quiet for myself (like blogging instead of working). But even two hours a day is better than nothing. I'm lucky to have found something with that kind of flexibility, and so I will make it work...... somehow.

By the way....

If mommas out there need some extra income and are interested in trying it from home, check out Leapforce. They are hiring in the US and internationally and the flexibility is great for trying to work around kids!