Friday, June 28, 2013

But I Just Had a Baby!

One of the best things about giving birth is the fact that for a few months afterwards it's okay that you are maybe not a small as you otherwise should be. People look at your muffin top and then see the baby and it's accepted that you should be a little heavier right now. Especially if the last time the person saw you you were nine moths pregnant and, if you were anything like me, looking like Andre the Giant's long lost sister. Anybody want a peanut?  

 No one has to know that these pants were too tight before I got pregnant!

But, as my son is turning eight months tomorrow, the time is coming to and end where I can hold him up like a fat pass and expect understanding. You would think, living in a country where two thirds of us are overweight or obese, there would be more understanding, or sympathy, but that's not the case. Part of  it is the media and culture drill into our minds that we are not healthy/beautiful/lovable if we are fat. And I have mixed feelings. Part of me loathes the image I see in the mirror. The kangaroo pouch that was once a stomach, The hips that spread and stayed that way. But then Sir Mix Alot reminds me that big butts are good too and I think to myself that I'm not THAT bad. I could be worse. And most importantly I don't want my daughter to see me feeling bad about myself. I want to teach her about internal beauty and all that. I am okay this way. I want my body back.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Some Things Never Change

It's summer time and watching Miss B. at play I think back to my own summer adventures, When you're a grown up summer isn't as special and exciting as it is when you are a kid. Most people don't take summer off from work. The bills certainly don't take summer off. But when you're a kid summer has a kind of magic, and watching my daughter, it's kind of infectious. Even with all of today's modern technology, summer still means swimming and barbeque's, tan lines and skinned knees. As the kids get older it will mean family vacations and camping trips too. It makes me feel a little nostalgic, and a little sad because I know that all too soon my kids will grow up and loose that innocence. For now though, we are having a great time!

Friday, June 21, 2013

He's Such a BOY!

Other than the diaper situation, new born babies are pretty much the same. Eat, sleep and poop. doesn't matter much what gender they are. As he's getting older, and developing his personality though, I am definitely noticing a difference between my son and my daughter. When Miss B. was this age, she was timid. Curious but cautious. Not Dimples. He seems to lack any sense of self preservation what so ever. Must be that Y chromosome  He recently has started pulling up on things. I have had more fear induced heart attacks in the past month than Miss B. cause me in her entire four years of life. He doesn't care if what he's pulling up on will hold him or not, so things come toppling down. Balance? Not important! He doesn't care if he falls and smacks his head on the ground. I'm told that this only gets worse as they get bigger.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Jelly and Other Things

Every year this time we start our summer canning and for us it begins with Apple Jelly. Miss B has no idea how lucky she is to have home made jelly for her PB&J sandwiches. This year, we let her help. These are the sorts of things I hope to teach her. The kind of knowledge I want to pass on. The was a time when kids had no choice. Gardening, preserving, sewing, building...these were necessary skills for life. Now they are considered hobbies. Now there are so many other distractions. TVs and computers rule, even at our house. I didn't mean for it to happen, and despite my best intentions, I too have a kid is it way too attached to the electronic forms of entertainment. My pregnancy with my son was difficult, and all restriction on things like TV time went out the window. I'm not saying that's an excuse, it's just what happened. Fortunately, she's still at an age where she WANTS to participate in what mom and dad are doing. So maybe it's not to late.

Monday, June 17, 2013

The Mothers Before Us

Sometimes I just don't want to. Like right now. I just want to sit at my computer and feed my social media habit. I love my children, and I am glad to me their mother, but sometimes I don't want to. I just want to be ME. I want to be selfish. I think about the women of the past. The mothers before us. Not just our mothers, or even our grandmothers, but before them. The ones that had even fewer choices than us. The women who didn't have the option of parking their kid in front of a TV for thirty minutes so they could have a break. The women who couldn't just pick up take out when they didn't feel like cooking. The women who had no choices in how they spent their day. The things they did made the difference between survival or not. Life or death for their children. Did their kids follow them around all day screaming "play with me!" ? Was there time for that? Did they get time for themselves? To be selfish? I don't know if I am strong enough to have been one of those women.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Just Us Girls

Today for Father's day, I got to spend alot more time with Miss B. Usually when my husband is home, he spends all of his time with her and I focus my attentions on the baby. It's a nice break for me. Recently I've been having some hard times with her. We are too much alike I think. My husband chose to spend his day just chillin' with the baby. He doesn't get much time with his son. That left me and Miss B. together most of the day. We went swimming, and she took a ride with me to the store. We cranked the music up loud and were having so much fun I took the long way home. I forget how much fun she is. I seem to spend so much time arguing with her these days, that moments like these are rare. It's probably my fault. I get too caught up in the stress of it all, and I fear she takes the brunt of it. I think we need more days like this one.

Friday, June 14, 2013

They call ME mom

Do you ever sit there and think...I mean really think about the fact that you're a parent? Sometimes I just lie there and look at one or both of my kids and I think WOW...what have I gotten myself into? or even, what have I gotten these poor kids into? Am I qualified to do this? I have an okay relationship with my own parents, but honestly we aren't close and we definitely have had some very rocky times. Most of the time I feel under prepared. I feel like I took a job, but I lied on my resume. Yesterday I got mad. CRAZY mad at Miss B. because she was arguing with me about her clothes. I felt like my head was about to pop off! But sometimes I think I have alot to offer these kids. I want to teach them so much and mold them into wonderful people. It's like getting a chance to have the relationship with them I could never have with my parents. It still just blows my mind, though, ever time I look at them and think about it. These two little people call me mom.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Granola Momma

Someone recently described me as "granola"...who me? I mean, I garden, recycle, and have taught my four year old yoga, but..oh wait, I DO wear alot of maybe. And we DO eat alot of cheddar bunnies (if you even know what cheddar bunnies are you might be a bit granola too).  I suppose if I was going to classify myself, that might be it, but there are aspects of me that don't fit into that label either. Do granola people hunt? We do - for food only, NOT sport. Mostly  what we do could best be described as urban homesteading. The more I think about it, though, I really would just prefer not to be labeled at all!

Monday, June 10, 2013

Becoming my Mother....One Chin Hair at a Time

Every woman I know has at least a couple of chin hairs, and I'm no exception. In fact as I'm getting older I'm noticing them more frequently. My mother has always had the annoying habit of unconsciously picking at her chin hair while you are trying to have a conversation with her. It's so distracting, and she usually doesn't realize shes doing it. Last night, while talking with The Big Kid, he looked at me and said, "What are you doing? Stop it!" I immediately had this image in my mind of my mother picking her chin hairs. And I totally get why she does it. Once you feel one of those little spikes protruding from your chin you just can't leave it alone. This is happening to me more and more. Not only the chin hairs, but becoming my mother.

Friday, June 7, 2013

One Hairy Leg

This morning I realized that the last time I shaved my legs, I only did one. So now I have one leg that's a little stubbly and one that is heading to gorilla status. I don't wear shorts much because I'm so fair skinned that no matter how much sun I get I don't tan (but I DO burn!), so I really just shave my legs for comfort. When I was pregnant, I read in one of my books that a woman's brain loses mass during pregnancy, and I'm not all together sure you get any of it back. I find myself doing - or rather forgetting to do - all kinds of things these days...

I ofter put things that should be refrigerated in the pantry instead, like open juice
I sometimes put things in the fridge that don't even belong in the kitchen, like a bottle of shampoo (true story!)
I have to wash the same load of laundry over and over because I forget to put it in the dryer and it starts to smell.
I will put left over food into containers and then leave them sitting on the counter all night.
I leave my keys in the front door on a daily basis.

Is this just me? Have I literally lost my mind?

Thursday, June 6, 2013

These Are the Words That Are Comin' Outa My Mouth

"Good Morning!"
'Eat your breakfast!"
"Do you need to go potty?"
"SIT down and eat!"
"why are you crying?"
"WHAT are you doing!"
"Mommy's on the phone!"
"SHHHH you brother is sleeping!!!!"
"Sit down and eat your lunch"

"I KNOW you need to potty."
"Wash your hands."
"Don't put that in your mouth!"
"DADDY"S HOME!!!!!!!"

"I love you sweetheart, goodnight....."

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Chicken Nuggets come from Chickens

Miss B. made a startling discovery yesterday. Our neighbors have chickens, and the coop is at the back of their property which butts up to the back of ours. Ever since she was little, Miss B. has loved running up to the back fence and watching the chickens clucking around. Yesterday we were outside and one of the roosters was crowing. Out of nowhere she said "Mommy what are chicken nuggets?" Since she was looking at the chickens when she said this I knew she had made the connection. I believe in being as honest as possible with her so I told her the truth. She thought about it for a minute than ran off to pick flowers. She hasn't said anything else, so I don't know how she feels about it, but chicken is on the menu for dinner to night, so I guess I will find out!

Monday, June 3, 2013

Test Passed

The Big Kid in the garden

Right after Mother's Day I did a post about my husband being home from work for a while (A Test). Just as abruptly as he was laid off he was call back, much sooner than we expected. I am really grateful that he is working again, but I have to say I really enjoyed having him home. I wasn't sure that I would. I love the man, but I was worried that having him around constantly would be like having a third kid around the house. Sometimes it was, but most of the time it was having a helper. He entertained Miss B., spent some quality time with Dimples, and even did the dishes a time or two. He also got to devote alot of time to the garden, which puts him in a really good mood. It wasn't as much of a strain as I had feared. Possibly because it wasn't for a long as we had thought it would be. It's probably a good thing he went back early though, because I was starting to get spoiled!

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Dust if You Must

Photo: Dust if you must....
I came across this poem on facebook, and it really struck a chord with me. I spend so much time trying to be perfect. I get stress when the house is messy, stressed when Miss B is too bouncy (and since she's four that's always), stressed when I feel like I'm getting nothing accomplished. But then I read this and I think, my kids are so unhappy when I'm stressed, but when I DO manage to relax and just let things be, everything is great. Having happy kids - isn't that accomplishing something? Can just spending a day playing with them being considered doing something? I know it's not New Year, but this is kind of a resolution of mine. To relax more and be able to just let things be as they will.