But I Just Had a Baby!

One of the best things about giving birth is the fact that for a few months afterwards it's okay that you are maybe not a small as you otherwise should be. People look at your muffin top and then see the baby and it's accepted that you should be a little heavier right now. Especially if the last time the person saw you you were nine moths pregnant and, if you were anything like me, looking like Andre the Giant's long lost sister. Anybody want a peanut?  

 No one has to know that these pants were too tight before I got pregnant!

But, as my son is turning eight months tomorrow, the time is coming to and end where I can hold him up like a fat pass and expect understanding. You would think, living in a country where two thirds of us are overweight or obese, there would be more understanding, or sympathy, but that's not the case. Part of  it is the media and culture drill into our minds that we are not healthy/beautiful/lovable if we are fat. And I have mixed feelings. Part of me loathes the image I see in the mirror. The kangaroo pouch that was once a stomach, The hips that spread and stayed that way. But then Sir Mix Alot reminds me that big butts are good too and I think to myself that I'm not THAT bad. I could be worse. And most importantly I don't want my daughter to see me feeling bad about myself. I want to teach her about internal beauty and all that. I am okay this way. I want my body back.

Some Things Never Change

It's summer time and watching Miss B. at play I think back to my own summer adventures, When you're a grown up summer isn't as special and exciting as it is when you are a kid. Most people don't take summer off from work. The bills certainly don't take summer off. But when you're a kid summer has a kind of magic, and watching my daughter, it's kind of infectious. Even with all of today's modern technology, summer still means swimming and barbeque's, tan lines and skinned knees. As the kids get older it will mean family vacations and camping trips too. It makes me feel a little nostalgic, and a little sad because I know that all too soon my kids will grow up and loose that innocence. For now though, we are having a great time!

He's Such a BOY!

Other than the diaper situation, new born babies are pretty much the same. Eat, sleep and poop. doesn't matter much what gender they are. As he's getting older, and developing his personality though, I am definitely noticing a difference between my son and my daughter. When Miss B. was this age, she was timid. Curious but cautious. Not Dimples. He seems to lack any sense of self preservation what so ever. Must be that Y chromosome  He recently has started pulling up on things. I have had more fear induced heart attacks in the past month than Miss B. cause me in her entire four years of life. He doesn't care if what he's pulling up on will hold him or not, so things come toppling down. Balance? Not important! He doesn't care if he falls and smacks his head on the ground. I'm told that this only gets worse as they get bigger.

Jelly and Other Things

Every year this time we start our summer canning and for us it begins with Apple Jelly. Miss B has no idea how lucky she is to have home made jelly for her PB&J sandwiches. This year, we let her help. These are the sorts of things I hope to teach her. The kind of knowledge I want to pass on. The was a time when kids had no choice. Gardening, preserving, sewing, building...these were necessary skills for life. Now they are considered hobbies. Now there are so many other distractions. TVs and computers rule, even at our house. I didn't mean for it to happen, and despite my best intentions, I too have a kid is it way too attached to the electronic forms of entertainment. My pregnancy with my son was difficult, and all restriction on things like TV time went out the window. I'm not saying that's an excuse, it's just what happened. Fortunately, she's still at an age where she WANTS to participate in what mom and dad are doing. So maybe it's not to late.

The Mothers Before Us

Sometimes I just don't want to. Like right now. I just want to sit at my computer and feed my social media habit. I love my children, and I am glad to me their mother, but sometimes I don't want to. I just want to be ME. I want to be selfish. I think about the women of the past. The mothers before us. Not just our mothers, or even our grandmothers, but before them. The ones that had even fewer choices than us. The women who didn't have the option of parking their kid in front of a TV for thirty minutes so they could have a break. The women who couldn't just pick up take out when they didn't feel like cooking. The women who had no choices in how they spent their day. The things they did made the difference between survival or not. Life or death for their children. Did their kids follow them around all day screaming "play with me!" ? Was there time for that? Did they get time for themselves? To be selfish? I don't know if I am strong enough to have been one of those women.

Just Us Girls

Today for Father's day, I got to spend alot more time with Miss B. Usually when my husband is home, he spends all of his time with her and I focus my attentions on the baby. It's a nice break for me. Recently I've been having some hard times with her. We are too much alike I think. My husband chose to spend his day just chillin' with the baby. He doesn't get much time with his son. That left me and Miss B. together most of the day. We went swimming, and she took a ride with me to the store. We cranked the music up loud and were having so much fun I took the long way home. I forget how much fun she is. I seem to spend so much time arguing with her these days, that moments like these are rare. It's probably my fault. I get too caught up in the stress of it all, and I fear she takes the brunt of it. I think we need more days like this one.

They call ME mom

Do you ever sit there and think...I mean really think about the fact that you're a parent? Sometimes I just lie there and look at one or both of my kids and I think WOW...what have I gotten myself into? or even, what have I gotten these poor kids into? Am I qualified to do this? I have an okay relationship with my own parents, but honestly we aren't close and we definitely have had some very rocky times. Most of the time I feel under prepared. I feel like I took a job, but I lied on my resume. Yesterday I got mad. CRAZY mad at Miss B. because she was arguing with me about her clothes. I felt like my head was about to pop off! But sometimes I think I have alot to offer these kids. I want to teach them so much and mold them into wonderful people. It's like getting a chance to have the relationship with them I could never have with my parents. It still just blows my mind, though, ever time I look at them and think about it. These two little people call me mom.