My Carpet Smelled Like Feet

It all started because I'd thought I give Yoga a try again. I so want to like it, but that's another post. So I get in Child's Pose, or Downward Facing Dog, or whatever it is that has be burying my nose in the carpet. I had a yoga mat once, but who knows which closet that is shoved into. ANYWAY...breathe in through the nose...sniff, sniff. Ew My carpet smells.

I have a dog, I have little kids, I have a husband, and all of these smelly creatures have caused an awful odor buildup. Never fear, I own a home carpet clean machine! Time to clean the carpets!

But I want to do this right so I pick up everything off the floor an start piling stuff on the kitchen table. Anything that's not furniture. And speaking of furniture, I wonder if the covers on my couch cushions are machine washable. Even if they're not I'm gonna try it anyway, because they kind of smell too. 

So, anything I can't lift moved out of the room, couch cushion covers in the wash, ready to vacuum. But maybe I should dust first before I vacuum. What good would clean carpets be if shelves are dusty? Get the duster! 

I go to the hall closet where I believe I last put the duster. Yup, there it is. I can see the handle poking out in between some rolls of wrapping paper and an empty shoe box that will one day serve a purpose. While struggling to get the duster out it dawns on me that this closet could use a good organizing. Then when I am putting everything back in the living room later, some of it can go neatly in the closet! Brilliant! Everything out. Hey! My yoga mat! 

Now everything that was in the closet is piled in the hall way. I start going through the stuff, setting aside things that I think I can junk or donate. Here comes Miss B. I've been at this for an hour now, accomplished nothing, and she's hungry. And she wants to help. That is one of the biggest mommy dilemmas ever. You want to be encouraging, but there help isn't help and you just want to get it done!

OKAY, lunch made, Sponge Bob on the TV and where was I?

Oh yea, cleaning out a drawer in my room to make space for stuff in the closet that I decided to organize while finding the duster to dust some shelves before I vacuumed my living room so I could steam clean my smelly carpet. 

Fuck it. Where's the Febreze? 

On Hiatus

I took a break from Blogging. I took a break from internet life. Sorta. Because I admit to still being shamefully addicted to Facebook. But really, I was poking around Blogger and discovered alot of my page view traffic came from a porn site and that scared me. I hated the idea of creepy pedophiles looking at pictures of my kids. So there will probably be less of them going forward. But I don't want to stop all together, because this mommy community is important to me. It is so hard being an at home mom. My interaction with women who "get it" is limited. I have lots to talk about in posts to come!

The Mother of Meltdowns

All kids have them at some point. Meltdowns that is. For some reason, though, it seems like of all the kids I know mine is the only one I seeing have tantrums. And it is always so embarrassing. Well, recently, she had the mother of all meltdowns.

It started when we were invited to a play date at  the house of a friend she had made at school. I hate play dates in general. It is really because I also have to drag along the one year old and so I get to spend the whole time chasing him around a strange house (usually not baby proofed) while trying to make polite conversation. He is also going through a phase where he likes to put his hand down my shirt which usually ends up exposing a good part of my boobs to people. 

When we arrived at this house I knew we were in trouble. At this point Miss B was in a great mood and eager to play. We walked in the front door and this house was immaculate. Like, I wouldn't have know this woman had kids had there not been pictures on the wall. I'm still not convinced that they actually live in this house, or at the very least that they have a secret room I was not shown where that actually spend their time, because there is no way a house with a four year old could be that clean. 

And the kid's room looked like it belonged in a magazine or on a showroom floor. Her name was engraved on everything and the sheets matched the curtains and it was clean. Like CLEAN. 

So for the next three hours the girls played great. They are "best friends." The problems came when it was time to go. Like I said, we had been there three hours and I was starting to feel intrusive. I kept having images of her husband whispering to her as I chased Dimples around "when are they going to leave?" I gave the standard  5 minute warning and then told her it was time to go (like two minutes later, but whatever she can't tell time yet).

She flipped out. She started screaming "no! no! no! I don't want to leave!" I had to chase her around their unnaturally tidy house with dimples under my arm like a sack of potatoes at which point she crawled under the bed in their guest room. (another shot for Better Homes and Gardens). I grabbed her ankle and had to literally drag her to the front door. The husband graciously offered to carry dimples for me. I had no choice but to hand my son over to a man I'd only known a few hours while I used all the strength I could muster to force my 43 pounds 4 year old into the car. When I shut the door, she started screaming - like high pitched no words shrieking - at the top of her lungs. I went back to get dimples, and to further my humiliation, they decided to walk to my car with me to tell Miss B bye. Honestly it was probably something like watching a freak show for them. It's really bad, but you just can't look away. When we reached the car, Miss B had taken off her clothes (later she explained to me that she had gotten hot). 

I couldn't stop apologizing. I was so embarrassed. So mad I couldn't even talk to her on the drive home. Needless to say I will never hear from these people again.

I Wish a Frog Would Eat My Brother

Oh how things have changed. I don't know why I can't seem to keep from bragging about my good fortune when it comes to parenting. Four and a half years into this gig and you would think I would have learned that just because things are good now does not guarantee they stay that way and talking about it will in fact guarantee they won't. 

Four months ago:


"How does she like being a big sister?" (as big sister gazes adoringly at her baby brother)

"Oh she loves her brother! And they get along really well. They hardly ever fight!"

Right after this picture was snapped he hit her across the head with that wrapping paper roll

Present day - Brother now walks:

"How does she like being a big sister? (as big sister covers her brothers face with her hand, which he then bites making her scream at levels pitched high enough to shatter glass)
"I wish a frog would eat my brother"

The Four Letter Word Every Parent Hates

SICK

The phone rings and it is your child's school calling to tell you your kid is......SICK

Crap.

Of course I cared that she wasn't feeling well, but the first thing that ran through my brain was "NOOOO! I HAVEN'T FINISHED WORKING/CLEANING/HAVING TIME TO MYSELF!"

That thought is followed with the "MAN! NOW I/DADDY/BROTHER ARE ALL GONNA CATCH IT!"

Is that selfish of me? 

As it turned out she had a severe sinus infection and the drainage was causing her to vomit, nothing contagious, but still. I HATE when they are SICK!

Today, My Kid Made Me Proud

I took my kids to the park, and when we arrived there was a small group o girls sitting in a circle under the playground. Miss B. ran over and was accepted in the group. The girls was laughing and giggling when the lone little boy at the park approached and was promptly rebuffed by the oldest looking girl in the group, and probably the ring leader. 

"There is no one else here to play with" he told the girl.
"Then go play with your mommy." she told him.

Part of me wanted to interject, and make Miss B play with the little boy. There has been so many times that we have been there and no one would play with her. I wanted to remind her of how she feels when that happens to her.

But I didn't. I won't always be able to be there to help her make the right decision and it felt like a pivotal moment in her life. She didn't know I was watching. 

She looked at the boy, and I could see it in her face. The dilemma. She knew what the right thing to do was, but she didn't want to give up her acceptance in the group of girls.

Then, she stood up and said, "I'll play with you."

Today, my kid made me proud.

From SAHM to WAHM

In May I started a new job doing search engine evaluations from home. It's not that I had never planned on working again, I just thought it wouldn't be until the kids were older, and in school full time.

But we all know how plans go in the hood (motherhood that is).

The Big Kid works full time and goes to school. In the past he has kept two jobs, but that just wasn't a possibilty with his school. The whole point of him going to school is so that he can get a better job, but finding the time and funding was proving to be really hard. Plus we wanted to be able to afford things for the kids.

So, I started looking for work. Most everything I could find seemed to scammy I didn't want to sell anything, and since I needed a job for financial reasons, anything that required an "investment" was out. The biggest NO WAY was phone jobs. I can't even talk to my sister for five minutes without one of the kids screaming, much less do some sort of customer service. Uh-Uh-NO-WAY.

I finally stumble across the search engine evaluator thing, applied, and got the gig. I was so excited. I had dreams, goals...PLANS.

Remember what we said about plans?

I never imagined how HARD working at home with kids could be. I mean, I should've known, because just going pee without their help is a challenge, but still. Some delusional part of me imagined I would be able to sit down at my computer for four to six hours a day and earn some valuable income for my family.

This is how it really goes:

I get up a 5:30 in the morning to work before they get up. At six The Big Kid gets up, an insist on talking to me and asking me to find his things.

By 6:30 Dimples is awake, and saying "mamma" which is his word for food. Yes, my son says mamma only when he's hungry.

Miss B. get up at 6:45 and because she's four, jumps out of bed at full speed and stays that way until she drops. There is no slow waking up period for her. So she's usually running circles around me while I'm trying to feed her brother.

By 7:30 everybody's fed and if it's a school day, Miss B. is getting dressed for school.

Sometime in the late morning, early afternoon I sit down again to try and work. I can get about 30 minutes in before one or both of the kids needs me to get up for one reason or another. 

Then there's chores, the animals, dinner, baths, and before I know it it's 10 o'clock and I've managed to work an hour MAYBE two.

At this point my choice is to stay up late, or give up and try again tomorrow.

It's harder than I thought it would be, finding the time. Since Miss B has started school three days a week, I hope to be able to get more in. Twice now Dimples has napped while she's at school and I know I should use that time to work, but I can't help enjoying the quiet for myself (like blogging instead of working). But even two hours a day is better than nothing. I'm lucky to have found something with that kind of flexibility, and so I will make it work...... somehow.




By the way....

If mommas out there need some extra income and are interested in trying it from home, check out Leapforce. They are hiring in the US and internationally and the flexibility is great for trying to work around kids! https://www.leapforceathome.com/qrp/public/jobs/list?uref=d584821c010e8bcbffb9bf9a1fe35e7f

Poor Daddy

Miss B is popular with the boys....every daddy's worse nightmare

She informed us the other day that one of the little boys in her karate class was her boyfriend, and the little boy's mother commented that he had told her that Miss B was his girlfriend. Of course when you're four that doesn't mean anything, but this is where is starts.


Yesterday at Karate the instructor had to separate two boys at the beginning of class who were fighting over who got to sit next to her, and when I picked her up from pre-k the teacher tells me "she's no trouble, but the boys fight over who's going to sit by her in circle time." 

I think it's kind of funny, and cute, but poor Daddy is not amused.

It Sure Is Quiet Around Here

Well, today was the big day...Miss B. started pre-k. 

She was so excited. She woke up at 4:45 am, wanting to get dressed. She also wanted to wear the biggest, fanciest dress in her closet. It took me twenty minutes to talk her into play clothes.

And when I got home from dropping her off, after I shed a few tears, Dimples laid down for his morning nap. The Big Kid is at work and the dog is asleep on the couch. The bunny doesn't make much noise no matter what's going on.

I spent the first twenty minutes trying to decide what to do first! It's been so long since I had this kind of time to myself. 

So here I am, using my time, to blog about it :)

I Am Not Enough

Miss B is four years old and I have come to the realization that she needs more than I can give her. Some women are great at being stay at home moms, it comes so naturally to them and they are able to fulfill their children's needs right up the their first day of school. I am not one of those women. Motherhood has never come naturally to me. I often find myself looking at her and feeling at a loss. 

What am I supposed to do with this child?

It is not her educational requirements that I am not fulfilling, but her social ones. I knew that she would need to be with kids her own age, and so I enrolled her in lots of activities. Gymnastics, karate and soccer. But an hour a day a couple days a week it not enough for her, and even more, her new friends all go to preschool. 

Preschool. I never intended to send her. I always thought that I could teach her everything she needed to know before she started kindergarten. Apparently kindergarten is a different beast than when I was five years old. 

No more color wheels and play groups. 

Apparently five year olds these days are learn art and philosophy along with how to share. 

She keeps asking when she can go to school like her friends. She had become obsessed with school buses and stands at the window every afternoon to watch the bus drop kids off.

So after much debate, and scrutinizing of the finances (holy crap pre-school is EXPENSIVE!) The Big Kid and I have decided to let her go.  I have to admit it makes me a little sad, and I'm not entirely sure why. This was not my plan, but nothing in motherhood goes as planned.

The Mommy Overshare...So Guilty

When you are a mommy of little kids, no subject is off limits, and sometimes we forget that other people still have a shred of decorum left and there are things they just don't want to hear and/or talk about.

The other day at Miss B's karate class, one of the ladies there noticed that Dimples was in a cloth diaper, and she said "oh I didn't know you were using cloth diapers"

I, of course, launched into a detail explanation about how I used to use disposal when we were out because his poops were so runny and I didn't want to carry that mess around with me. I followed up with a detailed description of his current, less messy poops.

Then I saw the totally grossed out look on her face. 

Oops. The mommy overshare.

I'm guilty of this alot. Very guilty. 

I need to remember that most people don't want to hear about poop or vomit, runny noses or rashes. That any mention of my kid is not an open invitation to recap  every gross thing that I deal with on a daily basis. 

And I get it. I'm not offended that other people are offended by my reality. Because that what it comes down to. Poop is a big party of my reality. With a four year old, a one year old, a dog and a bunny I am queen of the poop.

I'm sure there will come a point in my life when my kids are older, and they take care of their own bathroom business, that poop will gross my out again. For now, I will try to save my thoughts on these topics for the mommy blog.

Slow Down Please

When Miss B was born, and I brought her home and began my new life as a Mother, I was so eager and impatient. She was such a good sleeper - and since she was my first I had no idea how good I had it! We would have to tickle her little toes and undress her so she would wake up and eat. I would stare at her for sometimes hours, just thinking WAKE UP AND DO SOMETHING! 

Of course now she's four and all I really want is for her to GO TO SLEEP!

So when Dimples came along, I was a little bit wiser, and a lot more patient. No hurry here. He can take as long as he wants to start walking and talking (talking-back that is!)

But he has different ideas. He will be one next week and last night he took his first timid, wobbly steps. Four of them from the safety of the sofa's edge to his sister, who had a Popsicle. It was the Popsicle he was after, I know.

When Miss B. started walking at around 13 months, I clapped and cheered for her.

What were we thinking with all of that carrying on and encouragement? *face palm*

But like I said, more experienced now..so when I turned and saw my son walking I just stared at him with a mix of excitement (because it is an important milestone) and DREAD.

I'M NOT READY!!!!

I mean, I knew this was coming, because he's recently started letting go and just standing there, but I was hoping to have a little more time. It seems like after the walking things just start happening so much faster. Then they're running and talking and getting ready for school and growing up....big breath. 

I'm not ready for my son to start growing up. Even though I had the same year with him I had with my daughter I feel like it went by sooo much faster. 

*sigh*

But ready or not, here he comes.

Growing up Girl

Miss B has been BEGGING for weeks now to get her ears pierced. She's only four, and I always thought she'd be a little bit older before I let her. 

But as it goes with parenting nothing works out like you thought.

She's has bent her self over backwards to show me what a big girl she is. She's been cleaning her room and helping with her brother, trying to prove her level of responsibility. So, after talking to my husband, We agreed I would take her.

Yesterday I surprised her with a trip to the mall. There's going to be some gasps here, but this is the first time in her four years of life that she's ever been to the mall. Her friend came along and we had a full on girls day. She got her ears pierced - barely even flinched! - and we had ice cream and went to bath and body works where I let her pick out a sample size bottle of scented sanitizer.

The day was fun - and exhausting. What's more, though, it felt like a milestone in her life and our relationship as mother and daughter. She's transiting now and on top of teacher her about manners and right and wrong, I also get to teach her about being a girl. This is the part of having a daughter that I was really looking forward to.

Some Things are Hard to Explain

Yesterday, while driving by a cemetery, Miss B asked about the flowers and headstones. She wanted to know about that place. She thought it looked pretty. I usually have a sort of "open" policy when it comes to telling her stuff. I try to be as honest as possible, while keeping things on a level her four year old brain can comprehend.  This one gave me pause.

This past spring, right before Easter, a friend of mine and her five year old son died tragically in a house fire. While we didn't take Miss B to the viewing or funeral, I couldn't hide my sadness in those days. I wasn't sure what to explain to her, but I knew she would be asking about her friend, when she would see him and play with him. Explaining death to someone so young is difficult. They don't really understand. 

Ever since then, Miss be has sort of had this - I don't know if fascination is the right word - but she frequently asks if people are dead or are going to die. I'll say "don't let your brother get that, he might choke on it" and sometimes she responds with, "and then he'll die?"  

After a few minutes, I decided to stick with my honest is best policy and I explained to her what that place was. She was very quite for a long time and didn't say anything else about it. It's times like these I really wish I could hear her inner dialogue and know what she is thinking.

If there was ever a need for an instruction manual on parenting, I think it would be for this.

Learning to Share is Hard

Learning to share is hard. For Me. Learning to share is hard for me. 

Yesterday Miss B. wanted to color. We had racked up on fifty cent boxes of crayons at the beginning of August when all the school supplies were on sale. So I got her a box and me a box. I LOVE new crayons. Freshly sharpened, not broken, paper still neatly wrapped around the crayon. She had a Care Bears coloring book and I had a Lisa Frank one. Anyone else remember when Lisa Frank was all the rage? Things were going well, and then, she wanted to color MY picture.

To some people this is no big deal, but to the crazy obsessive ones likes me this is a HUGE dilemma. I should teach her to share. It's NOT a big deal. It's JUST a coloring page. 

Except I already had the color scheme all worked out, and she wanted to color my purple unicorn brown and she doesn't color in the lines. 

Sigh 

I wanted to take my coloring book and hide in the closet to finish my picture uninterrupted.  Instead, I closed my eyes and handed over the coloring book to my four year old daughter. Later when my husband got home she proudly showed him the picture that she and mommy colored together. My husband was impressed - with me. And I stayed up late after she went to bed coloring a new picture.

Keeping Me on My Toes

My son is a climber. 

Like seriously. The other day he was in his high chair and I turned around and he was standing on the tray with his hands on the back and one foot over the side about to jump off. This is new territory for me. Miss B. was always happy to stay put on the floor and play with her toys. She NEVER got into things.

Or on top of them. 

He's only ten months, but the crib is already in the lowest position because he tried to climb out of that too. He has long legs (from his daddy, not me) and if he can get he leg on something, he climbs it. 

So gone are my days of putting him somewhere safe for a little while while I get something done. Because with the climbing on top of stuff, comes the falling off of stuff.

Sometimes that Happens to Mommies

I was sitting on the living room floor playing with my ten month old son when suddenly I was besieged by the sneezes. I couldn't stop. And at around the tenth sneeze guess what happened? If you've ever pushed a baby out of your vagina you're only gonna need one guess. Yup. I peed my pants. My husband was laughing at me and when I said "Oh a peed my pants a little with that one!' my four year old was shocked. I wish I'd had a camera to capture her face at that moment. Have you've ever see a child's face when they've just been told something they find unbelievable and they aren't all together sure if you're serious or not? I could have just told her Santa wasn't real, or N'SYNC was getting back together.  She was standing there with her mouth open, half smiling, just staring at me.

 She said, "you're just kidding right?" I wish.

 "Nope, sometimes that happens to mommies."

Who Needs Sleep Anyway?

wish I could sneak in a car nap!

I have so many things to do. All the time. It's never ending. And the OCD side of me has a little nervous breakdown  when things don't get done JUST RIGHT. I can't help it. I try to tone down my crazy for my kids sake. I don't want them to feel stressed when things are not going perfect, but unless I walk around in a constant state of wine induced intoxication (which actually sounds like fun right?) that's just who I am. And with my husband's recent job situation - we never know when he's going to work or be off - I took on a work from  home job. I had big dreams for this gig. I was gonna work just three hours a day and bring in some helpful extra income. HA! JUST three hours I said! NO big deal I said. Well  I've come to realize that unless I stay up past midnight or get up at four am , or maybe both, three hours ain't gonna happen. If my kids are awake they don't allow me the peace and quiet I need to work. as I type this post I have already gotten juice, changed a diaper, pulled dog food out of the baby's mouth, put Miss B in time out for feeding the baby dog food and taken three phone calls. So my choice is to do this thing in the morning before every gets up or at night after they are asleep. That doesn't leave me much sleeping time. But I haven't slept for eight hours in over a year so why start now right?

Time Flies When You're Havin' Fun

Why does vacation takes so long to get here and then fly by so fast? Last Thursday we packed up the kids and drove the two hours to Gatlinburg for our first family vacation. This is the first time in a long time that any kind of trip was just about us and not centered around visiting somebody. We did the full on tourist thing (even though we've been to Gatlinburg so many times I don't think we really count as tourists there) and stayed at the Wilderness Adventures of the Smokies waterpark resort. It really was a blast. Most of the vacation centered around Miss B, but that was totally okay. I had fun just watching her have fun and experience new things. This WAS our first trip to the area with kids. I'm not normally a promoter of places, but I would recommend this as a place to take your kids for the weekend. There's loads to do, and a full service bar in the waterpark (obviously for mom and dad). Even being there with the baby wasn't hard. We're going to try and make this family vacation thing at least once a year. I trip for just us. I'm already ready for next year!

Attitude With a CAPITAL A

Dimples is nine and a half month now, and giving his sister a run for her money in the drama department. Miss B was never one to throw tantrums, so I guess her brother is making up for it. He bites me when he's mad and bangs his head on stuff when he's really really mad. I'm almost afraid to take him for his next check up! The boy has bruises and scrapes all over the place. They're going to think I abuse my children. Oh and heaven forbid I don't let him have something he's reaching for. I swear he tried to bitch slap me yesterday when I picked up to keep him from climbing up the stairs.

 

 

 

 

 

I guess it's only fair. Miss B was a really easy baby. She never got into stuff, never put anything in her mouth, and was a breeze to wean, get sleeping in her own bed, and potty train. Of course, I feel like since she skipped toddler and went straight to teenager, I thought that debt was paid.

I guess I couldn't have two easy babies. All I can hope is that this means he will be an easy toddler. Otherwise I might go crazy, (Pretty sure I already am!)